Stressed out by the election results in the US? Disgusted by the expressed preferences of your fellow citizens? Increasingly feeling like you no longer belong in your own country? Well do we have the answer for you!
For just five easy payments of $20.25, you too can enjoy peace of mind with The Fetterman Procedure^TM . Using precision state-of-the-art hypodermic needle technology, we will deliver a dose of the purest patriotic Florida air straight to your bloodstream, producing a cranial embolism that will cause ideas and viewpoints you previously destested to sound acceptable, or dare we say, “based.” Never again will you struggle with understanding the appeal of a Donald Trump rally, Elon Musk tweet, or RFK Jr!
The Fetterman Procedure^TM , a Musk Medical treatment. Different strokes for different folks, *guaranteed.*
Ramses_L_Smuckles on
> “Conspiratorial thinking; megalomania (for example, he claims to be the most knowledgeable source on Israel and Gaza around but his sources are just what he reads in the news — he declines most briefings and never reads memos); high highs and low lows; long, rambling, repetitive and self centered monologues; lying in ways that are painfully, awkwardly obvious to everyone in the room.”
This is like a recipe for baking a Trump except for the “reading the news” bit.
ArcticPickle on
Long read but worth it. What an absolute disaster.
4 Comments
Who knew strokes would be bad
Stressed out by the election results in the US? Disgusted by the expressed preferences of your fellow citizens? Increasingly feeling like you no longer belong in your own country? Well do we have the answer for you!
For just five easy payments of $20.25, you too can enjoy peace of mind with The Fetterman Procedure^TM . Using precision state-of-the-art hypodermic needle technology, we will deliver a dose of the purest patriotic Florida air straight to your bloodstream, producing a cranial embolism that will cause ideas and viewpoints you previously destested to sound acceptable, or dare we say, “based.” Never again will you struggle with understanding the appeal of a Donald Trump rally, Elon Musk tweet, or RFK Jr!
^Side ^effects ^may ^include ^nausea, ^impaired ^speech, ^reduced ^intelligence, ^loss ^of ^empathy ^and ^close ^relationships, ^trouble ^feeding ^and ^clothing ^yourself, ^an ^irresistible ^urge ^to ^sabotage ^your ^own ^retirement ^savings ^to ^”own ^the ^libs,” ^irreparable ^brain ^damage, ^sudden ^death, ^and ^a ^strong ^desire ^to ^consume ^equine ^medication. ^Please ^consult ^your ^local ^Facebook ^antivaxxer ^group ^before ^making ^any ^major ^healthcare ^decisions.
The Fetterman Procedure^TM , a Musk Medical treatment. Different strokes for different folks, *guaranteed.*
> “Conspiratorial thinking; megalomania (for example, he claims to be the most knowledgeable source on Israel and Gaza around but his sources are just what he reads in the news — he declines most briefings and never reads memos); high highs and low lows; long, rambling, repetitive and self centered monologues; lying in ways that are painfully, awkwardly obvious to everyone in the room.”
This is like a recipe for baking a Trump except for the “reading the news” bit.
Long read but worth it. What an absolute disaster.